I've been getting signs from the world it's time for me to give this talk about enabling.
Most of us are trying to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle. We have PNP and other online support groups that I am a major part of and we share and learn from each other how to have a better, fitter, and healhier life. I think most of us got to this point of finding a new lifestyle because we don't eat right and/or move enough from day-to-day. What do I mean?
1. We don't prepare ahead of time so we grab junk food.
2. We have a bad day and decide a burger and shake will make us feel better.
3. After battling all day with our jobs, kids, and life we sit in the quiet of our home eating ice cream and cookies to relax.
4. Our day was long so we skip workouts and then sleep in never feeling like we get enough rest.
These are not "treats". These are faux fixes to problems we don't want to face. We don't want to prepare for life; we let it happen to us. We don't want to tell someone they stomped on our feelings; we smile and keep taking it. We don't find ways to cope through the day; we await a few moments of peace and avoid what's coming AGAIN tomorrow.
Then we turn to our circle of influence. These are the people in your life that help you be a better person. I know most of us have good people around us. Some of you have a few, ummm, weeds that need to be pulled, but for the most part we all have friends and family who are helping us be a better person.
This the part I need EVERYONE to pay attention to: quit enabling your pals and you quit allowing it.
I can't tell you how many times I read in all my challenges, groups, and boards where someone falls off the wagon and 1,000 people come flying in to tell them it's OK. Damn it! It's not OK!!!!
If you had a drinking problem and decided after a tough day you were going to just do a couple of shots on the way home, I doubt Susie would be there saying, "go ahead...you can get back to sobriety tomorrow."
When someone has a TREAT, I absolutely know they deserve to have it. I'm not advocating deprivation to lose weight. But a treat isn't at a Burger King, standing in your pantry, in a gas station, or by yourself hoping no one sees you.
A treat is enjoyed, savoured, VAULUED, and should leave you feeling satisfied. If you show up and blow up in the forums with those feelings then I am the first one to say GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!
When a friend comes in and posts and it reads sadness, guilt, what was I thinking, etc., then don't tell them it's OK. You know what? That's insulting because you aren't really LISTENING to what your friend NEEDS to hear. Don't give them pity. Give them help, a plan, ask them what was really bothering them, and come up with some real support on how to make the next time better.
I am so proud to say I have a dear friend who recently broke an eight month binge-free record. Now, she feels like shit, but her words and story always helps so many. As she journaled on PNP what happened, she worked through the WHY, what cues did she miss, what could she do different next time, how she can pray on it, and then faced the music of how she WILL FEEL for days to come.
You know what? She's done that with each binge over the last few years and what was once a monthly thing now is once every eight months. God be with her the next two weeks as she processes the junk out of her body and mind, but also I pray we all learn from her strength that she refuses to just say, "tomorrow is a new day." She says, "tomorrow is a new day AND HERE'S HOW I AM DOING IT DIFFERENT."
Always remember, it's easy to move on; it's a dedicated person who REFLECTS and moves on to a better a plan.
