This weekend I took on the biggest challenge of my new found active life: I survived the AZ Tough Mudder on Saturday and the Phoenix Half Marathon on Sunday. For those of you counting, I was .5 miles shy of a marathon but it was harder than that!
It's taken me a couple of days to even process what the event meant to me physically and mentally. I've gone through several races, competitions and training weekends but nothing rocked me like this weekend. Honestly, it is going to be a pivotal point in my life.
While doing the Tough Mudder I was shocked at how I approached things. Believe it or not, I was scared, panicked at times, constantly doubting myself, wondering if I was "too fat" for all this, and feeling so LIKE THE OLD ME.
There are times when I think I've put my old, negative thinking, unconfident person to bed and then I step WILDLY outside my comfort zone and find I still have lots of work to do...mentally.
What really shocked me was that I'm not the over-achiever I "think" I am. It may seem that I defeat a lot of odds but truth be told, I found out at the race I sell myself short. Often I set the bar for myself low enough to win but not high enough to fail.
I've always done events for the glory of just doing it and the last few years I knew deep down it wasn't good enough. When I competed in Figure I knew it was all about the outside and there was no "competing" in that arena for me. I wanted so bad to be better each time, which I probably was, but there was no way to KNOW I was better. It didn't matter anyway. The fulfillment I wanted wasn't going to happen.
This past year as I stopped Figure and moved into running again I've gotten some of my confidence and swagger back. Somehow I lost sight of the fact that there is more to enjoying workouts than what it makes you look like.
This race awakened in me something. I have the desire to push myself harder and set some new goals. As I describe the race day I hope to share some of them with you.
We arrived a couple of hours early to make sure we could get our packets. We marked our foreheads, yes, they write your number on your forehead. It was 39 degrees and we were a little cold. I knew my biggest fear going in was being cold. Boy was I right and wrong at the same time.
They had us climb an eight foot wall just to get to the start line. That was a first for me. I even goose egged my ankle on the first shot. We got an amazing motivational speech. This video is from one of the later heats, but Kathy and were slotted for 9:20am. I wish I could listen to this every morning before a workout and how he kept it so lively I'll never know.
We're off! Running through smoke and just happy to be there. We go through our first Kiss the Mud obstacle where we army crawl through mud under barbwire. I gained 10lbs after that. I remember telling Kathy we train next time running with ankle weights and weighted vests.
The next awful obstacle was the Artic Enema. Think of one of those long, construction style dumpsters. They build a barbwire wall in the middle, leave a little opening in the bottom, then fill the sucker with ICE and GREEN WATER. I seriously felt panic when I came out of the water. We just jumped out as far we could. I literally lost my breath when I came out and still had to get under the wall, swim to the wall, and climb out. This picture shows how awesome it was.
A few obstacles later we had to jump these big stacks of hay with a big gulley in between. I was scared. until this race I didn't realize I was so scared of JUMPING over heights. Being high isn't anything. Leaps of faith ARE HUGE. This is where I limited myself. Both times we had these types of things I didn't jump all of them. I ended up jumping down in the hole and climbing my way out. I'm a good climber but I'm also chicken-shit about face plants, missing my footing, and basically my mind got the best of me. At times I let myself talk ME into "at least doing something" and we touched on that yesterday. :)
Twice we had to go through obstacles where they shock you. The first is the Electric Eel. You crawl on under live electrical wires in water getting shocked. It feels like someone punching you from the inside with a slight tinge. At the end they somehow juice you extra because by the end of the crawl I was scrambling from getting shocked over and over again. It leaves you sort of twitchy.
The second shock is Electroshock Therapy. Two options: crawl face high through mud to avoid the volts or run like a crazy person hoping to make it. No one gets to the end. This video shows how stupid some were until they figured out to just get the F down. Chris told us "just start crawling and you'll make it." We listened!
My biggest regret is I didn't try one event. I walked around it but Kathy took it on and conquered it! I was proud of her and proud to know that one day I'm going to get up to the top of that one.
The last awful obstacle that scared the crap out of me was walk the plank. You jump off a 15 ft high bridge into a greed, icy cold bath and swim out. I almost threw up but said if you just step off you can't turn back. I did it and cried a tad when I got out. That's how bad the jump and the cold swimming as if drowning got to me.
All in all, 29 obstacles, 4:45 minutes, two Gu's, lots of laughs, and then another 13.1 miles the next day I can say this was a pivotal and one of the best weekends of my life. I learned a lot about me. I'm not where I want to be but I'm no longer afraid to challenge myself to go beyond what I have believed in myself.
This year I plan to do two more of these and I'm setting some new running and personal goals. I've got several half marathons to do, some PR's to set, and a couple of personal goals I'm keeping to myself for now. It's going to be a great year and I can't wait to surprise myself AND to maybe even fail because I'm reaching so high.
Before I close, I want to thank a few people. Kathy who made this weekend so special. I told Chris there is no one I think would've been a better partner. You inspire me with the way you approach these things. I want to have the I can do it attitude you displayed. You are a special girl and I'm so happy we've gotten to know each other better this year.
Chris, my love, who gets me, understands me, follows me around to these things, and is my biggest cheerleader. All that I am today I owe to you. Your love is what fills the holes when I don't have enough self-love to do it.
Jane. My sweet Jane. You have been to the majority of my major life moments and cheered, organized, took pictures, counseled, and just been there. You are a dear friend who was meant to be in my life. I know you have no interest in the getting muddy but we've got that Goofy to think about!
